Isn’t everyone neurodivergent in some way or another? Aren’t we all both similar and diverse?
Where would the West be if the Eleusinian mysteries continued?
He’s practically ancient. The only one I’ve known to recite lines and lines and lines, all memorized. Putting my lame typed letters to shame. The isolation they feel, alone on a page. Most likely to be thrown away. Sometimes transcribed, like these——made 3D——more space junk transmit from a screen. Regardless, I write. Trace something dark across the light. He wants me to read him something I wrote, but I write for no one. I write so as not to speak. Not to breathe into language, but to let my thoughts leak symbols and die in ink. It’s calming, I write myself into a trance. I don’t need, I don’t seek, I don’t reach for anything beyond these keys, what’s right in front of me. But my continuum, these lines, still somehow stretch beyond me. Right now, nothing more, see, not even the errors matter, but before him, even on the phone, if I tried to speak into these words, I’d tremble, over-correct a self-imposed mess with excess. Apologies. With this, none of that. See, what I write is just for that, to make space. Besides, why would anyone want to hear all these voices? I write to prevent. He won’t hear a flow of consonance, just persistent clicking. I like the way it sounds, the typing alone. And as long as he’s reading me, we’ll never be together.
It is a deadly stinginess by which the nonlover eludes desire. He measures his emotions out like a miser counting gold. There is no risk entailed in his transaction with eros because he does not invest in the single moment that is open to risk, the moment when desire begins, ‘now.’ ‘Now’ is the moment when change erupts. The nonlover declines change, as successfully as the cicadas do, enclosed in a carapace of sōphrosynē. He is secure in his narrative choices of life and love. He already knows how the novel will end, and he has firmly crossed out the beginning…
The point of time that Lysias deletes from his logos, the moment of mania when Eros enters the lover, is for Sokrates the single most important moment to confront and grasp. ‘Now’ is a gift from the gods and an access onto reality. To address yourself to the moment when Eros glances into your life and to grasp what is happening in your soul at that moment is to begin to understand how to live. Eros’ mode of takeover is an education: it can teach you the real nature of what is inside you. Once you glimpse that, you can begin to become it. Sokrates says it is a glimpse of a god.”
Eros, The Bittersweet
* novels and non-fiction
Eros, The Bittersweet – Anne Carson
The Immortality Key – Brian C. Muraresku
Demons – Fyodor Dostoevsky
The Labyrinth of Solitude – Octavio Paz
My Year of Rest and Relaxation – Ottessa Moshfegh
Wild Milk – Sabrina Orah Mark
Summer Solstice – Nina MacLaughlin
Wake Siren – Nina MacLaughlin
The Complete Stories – Clarice Lispector
The Complete Stories – Leonora Carrington
Grove – Esther Kinsky
Molloy – Samuel Beckett
America – Jean Baudrillard
The Symposium & The Allegory of the Cave – Plato
Boy Swallows Universe – Trent Dalton
The Obscene Madam D – Hilda Hilst
The Lover – Marguerite Duras
Multitudes – Lucy Caldwell
Year of the Monkey – Patti Smith
Gratitude – Oliver Sacks
The Plague – Albert Camus
Is everything ethereal?